Also Sprach Qohelet

Qohelet--A redneck philosopher? A mad man with a Muse? An urban legend? Just one more griper with a keyboard and an ISP? Read on and find out. Qohelet opines on politics, religion, culture, and even sports. Qohelet is a modern renaissance man.


A plethora of punditry, a smorgasboard of smack.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Naked Christmas

Being a renaissance man, as you might imagine, keeps me plenty busy. Besides all that heavy reading I do (you did notice Qohelet's reading list I just added to the sidebar didn't you?), I have a regular job, a few pet projects, a family, and my sports to keep up with.

So the other day I was watching a basketball game on the NBA channel. One of the annoying things about watching a game on the NBA channel is that they don't have very many sponsors, so you wind up watching the same five commercials on every commercial break. Anyway, one of those commercials got me to thinking and I decided I needed to carry my thoughts to you good people and let you know what they were. Those thoughts were concerning one of the ads played during the game.

Some of you may be more degenerate than me, I don't know, but I've never seen any of the American Pie movies. They have nothing to do with pie, which I happen to like, and they represent a part of American culture which I think is destructive to America. Anyway, apparently these movies have become so popular that they have (de)generated their own series of spin-offs and the latest is American Pie: the Naked Mile. You don't have to watch the movie to know what it's about, all you have to do is see the television spot which I saw about two dozen times during that ball game.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to go all fundamentalist on you. Believe me, I've seen my share of movies. I've probably seen my share of movies that I would have been better off not seeing too, so I'm not trying to be self-righteous here. But this movie is about one thing: sexual lust--(im)pure and simple. It is aimed right at young people and the only motive for going to see it would be nudity, lust, and illicit sex.

Did I say "going to see it"? Yes, I did. My bad. I meant to say "buying it" because this movie is not even being released to theaters. It is going straight to DVD where it has been released in an Unrated version which tells every young person (and you old perverts too) who sees it that if it were to be rated it would probably get an NC-17. You do know that's the whole reason to sell it that way, don't you, as "unrated"? That one word is put there on the box for the express purpose of making young men's hormones jump out of their skin in the hopes they'll be seeing lots of it when they pop it in the DVD player. That's right, it has been released straight to DVD and just in time for Christmas--that's why they were pushing it so hard the other night during that game. I've also seen it on other stations (probably ESPN but I can't remember for certain).

Now let's look at that from a business standpoint. If you had a movie and you were going to release it to DVD then you would want to do so in time for Christmas, would you not? And if you were going to do that, and you wanted to sell a lot of them during the annual holiday shopping Saturnalias, then you would advertise them hard during that peak shopping time, would you not? Of course, you would. And that's exactly what the makers of American Pie are doing. They are hoping to sell as many copies of this as they can during this time of year.


Just ponder that little tidbit for a moment now, would you? These people have produced a product that appeals solely to the baser side of human nature and they are hoping that you will be enticed enough to buy that product and give it to someone you love or care about as a part of your celebration of the birth of Jesus.

You know, Jesus. The guy from Nazareth. The one who said that anyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent is guilty of adultery. The man whose apostles made it clear that adulterers would not inherit the kingdom of God. The guy who told the woman taken in adultery, "Go and sin no more." Yeah, that guy.

So what these American Pie people are hoping is that there are enough debauched fools out there with no sense whatsoever that they will actually go out and buy this flick and give it to someone and call it a "Christmas gift"--part of the celebration of the birth of a man who stood as a polar opposite to everything that flick promotes. What's even sadder as that there are probably plenty of profligate sops out there who will do just that.

Can you imagine wrapping that up and putting it under the tree?

Now I'm not stupid enough to think that everyone out there celebrating Christmas is a Christian or holds to biblical standards of sexual behavior, but you would hope it would at least cross people's minds. How tacky can you get? Are you really going to buy this and then add insult to injury by calling it a Christmas gift?

"Here you go, bud. In honor of the Savior's birth I give you this movie that promotes sexual hedonism and entices you to thoughts which that same Savior said would lead you to hell if you gave yourself over to them. Merry Christmas."

All of this reminds me of what my Sunday School teacher was teaching about last Sunday, but that's for another post. In the meantime, try to remember what Christmas is really about and please, please, celebrate it fully clothed.


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